Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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