Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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