people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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