bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
