I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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