Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
