i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
