Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
