I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
