Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
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