Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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