you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
