it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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