ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Can you bring me the toilet please
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
