Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
