I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
