Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
