im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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