u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
