I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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