Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
