Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
whose ass print is on the piano?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
