I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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