WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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