Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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