I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Nicole vs. Life
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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