Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
