Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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