I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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