dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
