I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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