Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
