Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
