Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
