He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
