i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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