A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I cut my penus on the lid.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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