Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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