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and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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