At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
