you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
