@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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