Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
