I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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