Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
