can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
