I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
