69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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