If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
