Just fell off a train. Bad.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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