The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
