Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
